Those New Hummer Commercials…

seen ’em? ugh. i’ve never really formed an opinion about the whole Hummer thing… to each their own, i say. but the new commercials are just over the top and have completely altered my view on anyone who drives a Hummer.

Commercial #1 –

Mommy and Jake are on the playground. Mommy and Jake are waiting in line at the slide, and another Mommy and son take cuts. Mommy says, “Jake was next.” to which Other Mommy replies, “Well now we’re next.” Mommy keeps her mouth shut and stands by meekly while Other Mommy and child enjoys the slide. Mommy then grabs Jake, rushes to the nearest Hummer dealership, buys the silly thing slamming the pen down on the desk and drives off to the slogan, “Get your girl on.”

k, let’s review. if you’re a pushover and you fail to stand up for yourself and your kid, you make yourself feel better with frivolous purchases and you drive a Hummer. ooooh, makes me want to go right out and buy one.

Commercial #2 –

Man #1 is at the grocery store purchasing healthy foods such as tofu and veggies. he sees Man #2 line up behind him, dumping the contents of a small butcher shop onto the conveyor belt. interesting to note that the meat was all unpackaged. Man #1 eyes the meat longingly while Man #2 eyes the tofu and veggies with equal suspicion. Man #1, obviously married to Mommy above, leaves the store and rushes to purchase a Hummer and drives off to the slogan, “Restore your manhood.” wait, i’m confused. i thought that was what Viagra was for???

k, let’s review. if you make healthy eating choices and have very low self esteem about such healthy eating choices you are less of a man and require something to ‘restore your manhood.’ we can now deduce that any man who drives a Hummer eats healthy but feels badly for it, plus he lacks the critical thinking skills that would allow him to formulate a balanced meal of veggies and a burger. right.

so, overall, Hummer is loudly proclaiming that people who fail to stand up for themselves and have low self esteem should drive their vehicles. great. just what we need – overzealous, passive agressive personalities running loose on our roads feeling better about themselves by bullying everyone else in an obese, dangerous, commodity guzzling vehicle. boy, if i owned a Hummer and saw those commercials I’d be pissed.

What i’ve learned –

see an aggressive Hummer driver? offer them cuts or red meat and you’ll be a okay.

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