Monthly Archives: August 2007

You know you’re from New Mexico when…

1. You buy salsa by the gallon.

2. You don’t think it’s weird that everybody stares at you when you walk into the Frontier.

3. You snicker whenever someone from out of state tries to pronounce your last name.

4. You’ve had a school day cancelled because there was half an inch of snow on the ground.

5. You know what an Arroyo is.

6. Your high school’s name was a Spanish word.

7. You still call the ‘Flying Star’ the ‘Double Rainbow’ and it’s still the best place to get dessert in the world.

8. There is a kachina somewhere in your home or yard.

9. You have license plates on your walls, but not on your car.

10. Your favorite restaurant has a chile list instead of a wine list.

11. Your Christmas decorations include “a yard of sand, four cases of small candles and 200 paper bags.”

12. Most restaurants you go to begin with “El” or “Los.”

13. You hated Texans until the Californians moved in.

14. You price-shop for tortillas.

15. You have an extra freezer just for green chile.

16. The tires on your roof have more tread than the ones on your car.

17. You think a red light is merely a suggestion.

18. You believe that using a turn signal is a sign of weakness.

19. You don’t make eye contact with other drivers because you can’t tell how well armed they are just by looking.

20. You think six tons of crushed rock makes a beautiful front lawn.

21. You have to sign a waiver to buy hot coffee at a drive-up window.

22. You ran for state legislature so you can speed legally.

23. You pass on the right because that’s the fast-lane.

24. You have read a book while driving from Albuquerque to Las Cruces.

25. You know they don’t skate at the Ice House and the Newsstand doesn’t sell newspapers.

26. You think Sadies was better when it was in the bowling alley and the Owl Cafe was better before they put in the turn-off.

27. You have used aluminum foil and duct tape to repair your air conditioner.

28. There is a piece of a UFO displayed in your home.

29. You just got your fifth DWI and got elected to the state legislature in the same week.

30. Your swamp cooler got knocked off your roof by a dust devil.

31. You have been on TV more than three times telling about how your neighbor was shot or about your alien abduction.

32. All your out-of-state friends and relatives visit in October.

33. You know Vegas is a town in the northeastern part of the state.

34. You wish you had invested in the orange barrel business.

35. You are afraid to drive through Mora and Espanola.

36. You iron your jeans to “dress up.”

37. You don’t see anything wrong with drive-up window liquor sales.

38. Your other vehicle is also a pick-up truck.

39. Two of your cousins are in Santa Fe, one in the legislature and the other in the state pen.

40. You know the punch line to at least one Espanola joke.

41. You think the Lobos fight song is “Louie, Louie.”

42. You know whether you want “red or green.”

43. You’re relieved when the pavement ends because the dirt road has fewer pot-holes.

44. You can correctly pronounce Tesuque, Cerrillos, and Pojoaque.

45. Your car is missing a fender or bumper (or a turn signal and aligned headlights).

46. You have driven to an Indian Casino at 3 a.m. because you were hungry.

47. You have been told by at least one out-of-state vendor that they are going to charge you extra for “international” shipping.

48. You expect to pay more if your house is made of mud.

49. You can order your Big Mac with green chile.

50. You see nothing odd when, in the conversations of the people in line around you at the grocery store, every other word of each sentence alternates between Spanish and English.

51. You know you will run into at least 3 cousins whenever you shop at Wal-Mart, Sam’s or Home Depot.

52. Tumbleweeds and various cacti in your yard are not weeds. They are your lawn.

53. If you travel anywhere, no matter if just to run to the gas station, you must bring along a bottle of water and some moisturizer.

54. A package of white flour tortillas is the exact same thing as a loaf of bread. You don’t need to write it on your shopping list; it’s a given.

55. At any gathering, regardless of size, green chile stew, tortillas, and huge mounds of shredded cheese are mandatory.

56. Prosperity can be readily determined by the number of horses you own.

57. A tarantula on your porch is ordinary. A scorpion in your tub is ordinary. A poisonous centipede on your ceiling? Ordinary. A black widow crawling across your bed is terribly, terribly common. A rattlesnake is an occasional hiking hazard. No need to freak out.

***************

Uh, yea. : ) Makes me miss home. Green, please?

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Crochet Terms Defined

Crochet Terms Defined

Do those crochet terms and abbreviations have you
stumped? Read on…

Pattern: A set of written instructions that may or may
not result in creating the object in the picture. Most
patterns include a list of supplies, but this is for
your amusement only. After all, Amazonian Rhesus yarn
in smoky turquoise does not exist, and cannot be
obtained. Patterns also have fun-to-do math problems, such as 1
dc in next 7 dc (34 dc made)… ?!

Yo: Yarn Over, meaning you need to wrap your yarn over
your hook. Of course, this assumes the yarn doesn’t
split, fray or tangle. If this happens, yo then stands
for, “Yell Outrageously.”

Dtrtrc: Double-treble- treble-crochet. This is a
stitch where you yo four zillion times, insert hook in
stitch and pull through the next two loops, repeating
until all loops are off the hook, or until the end! of
time, whichever comes first.

Reverse sc: This stitch is the lefty’s revenge on all
of us righties – for once we have to work backwards,
too!

Catalog: A dangerous device that hypnotizes
crocheters. It lulls them into a catatonic state,
causing them to spend the family’s grocery money on
patterns and yarn. It may also be an evil plot to
cause the downfall of the American economy.

Hook: A device permanently attached to a crocheter’s
hand. It is also connected to her blood supply, and if
for some reason it becomes dislodged from her hand,
she breaks into a sweat and starts to feel faint. If
the hook
cannot be immediately replaced, the only valid
substitute is a catalog (see above).

Yarn: The only reason sheep farms still exist! It’s
also what crocheters buy when they have money; if
there’s any cash left over, they buy food and clothes.

Doily: This seemingly innocent item looks like a table
protector, but if someone actually tries to put a wet
glass or an ashtray on it, the creator will instantly
turn into a snarling Doberman. Use doilies at your own
peril.

Cat: A non-mechanical device used for unraveling
afghans, unwinding skeins and keeping one’s lap warm.
A cat requires daily maintenance in the form of light
stroking.

Dog: Another non-mechanical device that is used for
chasing down balls of yarn and putting tooth-mark
engravings in wooden hooks. It’s a high-maintenance
item that does not store easily.

Baby: A valid excuse to crochet something.

Housework: An ancient rite that was performed by some
B.C. women (Before Crochet). Historians believe it may
have had something to do with a device called a
“vacuum cleaner,” which was kept in closets now
occupied by yarn.