I got fired today. *lol*
It was not a good morning, not by any means. My little one was sleeping in, and pushing our time table into the danger zone, so I go in and try to gently wake her. She, my happy creature, buries her head under the covers and ignores me. This is not a good sign.
I finally rouse her and we sit down at the breakfast table over oatmeal.
“Mommy, I didnt want oatmeal! I wanted waffles! How could you give me oatmeal?”
“Well, Lila, I thought you could use a little variety, and besides, you like oatmeal. It’s peach.”
“Well… not this orange kind! I dont like orange!” (mind, this is the exact same peach oatmeal we’ve been eating successfully for years)
“Okay, I’m sorry. However, it is too late now to make a new breakfast (Mommy glancing nervously at the clock, as we are now officially 5 minutes over schedule). I suggest you eat what you’ve got. I will make you waffles next time.”
(child takes bite.)
“AAAUGH, Mommy! This is too hot!!!” Um, have I mentioned that it’s been sitting for nearly 15 minutes as I wake the child, then proceed to argue with the child for the remaining 10?
“Really? Interesting. Well, tell you what. You go get dressed and I will put this in a tupperware for you to take to daycare.” We then ‘discuss’ this for 3 more minutes until the child finally stamps away, waiving its limbs and carrying on about not liking to eat breakfast at daycare.
5 mins later –
“Lila, how would you like your hair brushed today? A ponytail? Braids?”
“I cant decide, Mommy! You decide for me. You pick.” I then proceed to brush her hair and pull her bangs out of her face, pinning them with a bobby pin. I brush the rest. It looks really lovely.
“What is this? Mommy, this is awful! This is horrible! Why didnt you do a pony tail? Or braids?”
“Well, you said it was my pick. Get your shoes.”
“But Mommy, my hair is ugly and I hate it! It’s awful!”
“Okay, then fix it at school. We dont have time now. GET YOUR SHOES, PLEASE!”
“But Mommy -”
“GET YOUR SHOES ON THEY’RE RIGHT THERE BY THE COUCH NOW OR YOU WONT GO TO SCHOOL WITH SHOES!! NOW NOW NOW!!!”
(child bursts into tears, gets shoes, and finally makes it to the car)
“Mommy! You were supposed to do my hair in a way I liked it! Not like this! A pony tail, or braids!”
“Lila, you did say it was my choice. So, I chose. I love your hair and I think it’s beautiful. If you dont like it, have a teacher re-do it for you at school.”
“Mommy, it’s not what I want!”
“Well, you said it was what *I* wanted! So I picked it, and I like it! If you wanted just a pony tail or braids, you should have said something. You need to work on your communication skills, Lila.”
“That’s it! You’re fired!”
(Mommy laughs hysterically, enraging the child)
“YOU’RE FIRED, FIRED, FIRED!!! YOU’RE FIRED!!!! AAAUUGGGHHH!!!!!!”
Daniel suggests I unionize so I can strike if I’m unhappy with conditions. : )